Quirks
Each day I start out with good intentions. But then I read the morning news. It tells me that Ozy Media is in trouble because they made up a bunch of lies to important people. “Who is Ozy Media”, I wonder. “Are they affiliated with Ozy Osbourne?” I look up Sharon Osbourne because she’s more interesting, and apparently there is some kind of connection, but it’s confusing. She called the CEO a shyster. I wonder if I can start saying shyster without calling attention to myself.
Sharon has had a slew of interesting haircuts, all in the bob/pixie genre. She has also experimented with several different colors. It’s gray currently. I go into the bathroom to check on my gray hairs. I have one strip on the top of my head, maybe 40 hairs or so? Eight months ago I told my hairstylist to add in a little blonde in the front, but to leave the gray because I thought it looked cool. She informed me that what I was asking for is called a blonde money piece and that it is really trendy. “Makes sense,” I think. Because I am really trendy. I wonder what they call a blonde money piece that has two inches of dark roots at the top.
I decide to check my hairstylist’s availability on her digital calendar. She has added a note that says she is only taking appointments from existing clients. I am technically existing, but it’s been eight months. And at that visit she thought I was brand new, even though I’ve been to her at least seven times. So am I still existing? I change course and start looking up hairstyle ideas from my fave L.A. celebrity hairstylist, Riawna Capri. She’s my favorite because she does Julianne Hough’s hair, and it’s always great. Naturally, I’m now invested in Riawna’s personal life, and feel sad that her dog recently passed. That dog got her through a lot over the years, it’s true.
One of Riawna’s clients is Jamie-Lynn Sigler. You know. Meadow? From The Sopranos? I check in on her and see that she has recently posted about a new movie, The Many Saints of Newark. A movie about the origin story of Tony Soprano? Played by James Gandolfini’s own real-life son? Yes, please and thank you. Guess I’ll be signing up for a month of HBO Max. While I’m at it, perhaps I can re-watch that whole entire series, because it’s the best series of all time. Should I watch the series first? Or the movie? Maybe the series is on Netflix so I don’t have to buy HBO Max right at this exact moment.
Looks like the Sopranos is not on Netflix. But when I checked, I saw a preview of another all-time great: When Harry Met Sally. Golly day, is there anyone better than Meg Ryan? Wait. What the hell? There’s now a thing called Meg Ryan Fall? Okay first of all, I’ve been celebrating Meg Ryan Fall for over a decade and how dare they steal this from me. Second of all, does this make me basic? Is this what we who celebrate Hot Girl Summer transition to? Because I. Am. In. Wait. A bunch of Spotify playlists titled Meg Ryan Fall? Let’s just give this one a listen… It’s playing Harry Connick, Jr., so obviously I’m into it.
You know what this new Sopranos movie needs? A key. Like, something I can refer to that shows me the new actors in this movie, and who they represent from the actual tv series. Thankfully, I’m sure Buzzfeed has already created this. Huh. Literally no recent content on the Sopranos. What the hell are these people writing about if not the Sopranos? I wonder if I can be a freelance Buzzfeed writer in my spare time. Surely I have solid pop culture content that would go viral.
Oh, interesting. Buzzfeed has an article about some lady that created a TikTok video explaining her hypothesis that all Instagram influencers are Mormon. Man. Now there’s a fascinating sub-culture. I really can’t get enough of the Mormon and Evangelical sub-cultures. It’s just so interesting to me. If there’s a tell-all book or documentary or tv series on what life is like on the inside of a super religious family, I am all in. Speaking of, I wonder what all those LuLaRich people are up to. Honestly, I’m just glad I never bought any of those leggings. While my fashion sense has certainly gone downhill since the pandemic started, at least I’m not lounging around in pajamas all day. Especially ones with colorful designs on them.
Nope, if I’m going to be wearing athleisure wear, it’s going to be of the technical shorts and t-shirt genre. Something I can do yardwork in, but also buy groceries. Oh, look at these joggers! Imagine me at soccer games in these. Paired with a smart sneaker and a puffer coat. This has cool soccer mom written all over it. Wait. Victoria Beckham and Reebok are doing a collaboration? Is Reebok cool again? Was it ever cool? Man I loved the Spice Girls. It’s interesting how Victoria is the only famous one anymore. Must have something to do with David Beckham, obviously.
Oh wow. Victoria’s spring 2022 fashion line is actually really great. I’m seeing a lot of ballet flats and slides on the runways coming spring. Do I need ballet flats? Obviously I am not paying $700 for designer ballet flats. Maybe eBay has them. Ah. Here we go. Wait. You know what I need? A vintage Spice Girls t-shirt from one of their concerts in the 90s. You see all these people walking around these days in vintage band t-shirts. Imagine me in that, but Spice Girls. Oh, perfect. eBay has one for only $60. That’s gotta be a collection item. It will sell in a year for hundreds, no doubt. Purchased!
Guess I should make sure my credit card is paid off. Wait, what’s this purchase from some sporting goods store in Alabama? Should probably text Alex about that to make sure it’s not fraud. Oh right – he emailed me about that last week. Something about a generator? Ah. Email. Probably ought to get back to it then. Wait. An update about the Ozy Media scandal? Oh my god. It’s shutting down forever? Holy crap. Oh wow – look at all these former employees posting on Twitter about it…