Someone was recently describing what their rage feels like. A “rage spot” they called it. Apparently it’s one single place in your body where you physically feel rage. “Huh. I don’t think I have that,” I mused. I forgot about the conversation until just now, after I received an email response from my son’s teacher. I had kindly asked her if we could move our in-person conference to a Zoom meeting because well, I have a fucking job and so does my fucking spouse and the meeting is in the middle of the fucking day and the school is a fucking 15 miles from either of those said fucking jobs. “Sorry! Administration has decided that we can’t do Zoom meetings anymore, so it will just have to be an old-fashioned phone call,” she responded. No practical reason, no explanation, nothing. Just your standard, #sorrynotsorry. And then, I felt it. In the pit of my stomach, a dull, hot vibration began to occur, which quickly spread up my chest, down my arms, and through my fingers. It radiated there for a moment as I pondered how to respond. And some of you might be thinking “Dude. Chill. You still get to have a phone call.” And you know what? You’re right. It’s a convenient option, I suppose. But there are two things that I actually DO care about as it relates to my son’s academics, and that’s a) establishing a relationship with his teacher and b) having her show me his work product. And you know what’s the best way to achieve both of these things without me having to take three hours out of my work day to go visit her in person for a useless 20 minute meeting? A fucking zoom. And while it appears MOST of these moms are just fine to take an in-person meeting in the middle of the fucking day because maybe that is the only thing they have to do that day, which is great — no judgement here, how about we make this whole thing accessible for everybody, yeah? And sure, I have a job where I COULD take 3 hours out of my day to attend this meeting, but what about parents who work an hourly fucking schedule and literally can’t logistically make a stupid fucking conference schedule between the hours of 9am to 1pm after already having had to find childcare for the entire week because apparently it takes 40 fucking hours to have seventeen 20 minute meetings which if I’m doing my math right only accounts for 5.6 hours so what the fuck is happening during those other 34.3 hours OH MY GOD I might be joining the GOTDAMM PTA to effect some real grassroots change up in this bitch.
(Alex: heads up, the teacher is going to three-way call us on Thursday at 12:30pm.)
We hosted a birthday party for our son last week. I emailed all the parents. I BCC’d all of them because these people can’t be trusted not to hit Reply All in their email responses. One of the children asked my child who then asked me why their parents couldn’t see who all was receiving the email, and therefore see who was invited to the party. And I responded, “because all of these people are fucking morons and they don’t understand proper email etiquette.” Meanwhile, I had been complaining because it seems like all the school parents are friends and I’ve literally met zero of them. Perhaps because they’re all bumping into each at their fucking in-person conferences??? Anyway, Alex then chimed in, “Perhaps this is why you don’t have any friends?” He’s not wrong but who wants to be friends with people who don’t know how to email?
I bought a new coffee table this weekend. Here it is:
All day I had imagined myself sitting on that couch, feet up, drinking coffee that I could casually place on the new coffee table after every sip. Only one thing was missing: Essence. So, when the family was out, I decided to spin up the ‘ol essential oils burner. And what scent made the most sense for this particular scene? Patchouli, obviously. So there I was, on that couch, vibin’. And then the family walked in and I was immediately inundated with insults. “OMG what is that awful smell.” “It was a massive wave of what can only be described as rotten dirt.” “OMG YOU even smell!” “It’s giving me a headache!” So yeah. Vibes killed and I'm in search of a new family.
Does Elon know that his logo is an upside down IUD? Why is nobody ever talking about this?