One of the best podcasts is Conan Needs a Friend. And this is coming from someone who is not an OG obsessive Conan fan stemming from his early days of writing for The Simpsons. I wasn’t not a fan, but I just never really checked in to his material until a few years ago. I discovered the podcast during its first season, while going through my Stand-Up Comedy Phase. While I have yet to get up on a stage (key word being yet, people – get off me!) I have spent a good amount of time in the analysis of stand-up comedy, generally.
As with many things in my life, I spend a lot of time obsessing with ideas and topics, and then going incredibly deep on them. Those in the know call them Lindsey Phases. Stand-up comedy was (is?) one such phase. As one does, I listened to every single comedy-focused podcast out there, with a particular focus on the interviews of comedians hosted by Pete Holmes, on You Made It Weird. This ultimately led me to the time Conan interviewed Pete during his own first podcast season. From that moment on I’ve been hooked, but especially after his early interviews with Tig Notaro (the greatest standup alive), David Sedaris (the greatest humor essayist alive (outside of Fran Lebowitz, obviously)), and Lin-Manuel Miranda (the greatest composer alive).
Outside the fact that Conan gets phenomenal guests to his show each episode, the hilarious chemistry he has with his two co-hosts never ceases to bring absolute joy.
First, there’s Sona Movsesian, Conan’s personal assistant since 2009. Sona and Conan have the type of relationship that I wish all bosses / underlings had – in that, every time the boss (Conan) says something stupid, the underling (Sona) calls them out and makes fun of them incessantly. And vice versa. The two of them have a running schtick where Conan essentially has no idea what she does as his assistant and yet somehow, she is apparently so busy that she herself has employed her own personal assistant. As a result, Sona announced this past summer that she’ll be publishing a humorous how-to book, titled The World’s Worst Assistant. I really can’t wait to read it.
Second, there’s Matt Gourley, an actor and apparently “big deal podcast producer” (at least, according to Conan and people who decide importance in podcasting). Matt brings the sweet, wholesome charm to the group dynamic. His jokes are lame and he’s so earnest that it makes great fodder for ridicule, but you can tell he simply adores being on the receiving end of both Conan’s and Sona’s mockery. The three of them bring this energy where you just feel like you’re all old friends, and you deeply know one another’s personality flaws and instead of taking the high road and letting it go, you attack and go for the laugh and it all works out because you love each other like family. To me, there is no greater relationship than one where you’re being made fun of for your flaws. And these three have that.
Naturally, this leads quite organically to the Gilded Age.
If you’re anything like me, most of your knowledge of history comes from the clothing fashions from those eras. Since there’s not a ton of fashion-related content coming my way that is pre-1920s, I struggle to remember important historical events related to decades before then. For example, I know for a fact that during the Prohibition, men that looked like Steve Buscemi from Boardwalk Empire were sporting zoot suits and women that looked like Carey Mulligan from The Great Gatsby wore flapper dresses and long pearl necklaces and that it all took place in the 1920s.
However, the Gilded Age is and has been something relatively foreign to me. Did I learn about it in high school history class? Yes. But the teachers failed to provide me with pop-culture related context clues, resulting in the information going promptly in one ear and out the other. That is, until Conan’s recent podcast interview with the great CNN news anchor of our time, Anderson Cooper. But WTF does Anderson Cooper have to do with the Gilded Age? Well, as it turns out, Anderson was discussing the book he recently co-wrote and published, Vanderbilt: The Rise and Fall of an American Dynasty. As it also turns out, Anderson is a direct descendant of Cornelius “the Commodore” Vanderbilt, the guy who invented shipping and railroads or something or other. Basically, he was the richest person in the world at one point and he passed on all his wealth to one son (of 13 children!) during the Gilded Age, otherwise known as the period of gross materialism that occurred from the 1870s to the early 1900s. Now before I lose you – let me just reel you back in with a few fun detours:
1) Dynasty. I don’t know about you, but when I hear the word dynasty, I think of two classic songs, which will now serve as the playlist for this writing.
a. Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous by Good Charlotte
b. The Last Great American Dynasty by Taylor Swift*
2) Anderson’s Firehouse. Did you guys know that Anderson lives in a charming Greenwich Village firehouse turned private four-maybe-five story residence complete with fire poles and spiral staircases and deep-toned painted walls with brass fixtures? And also that he hasn’t yet provided a tour on MTV Cribs? The best I could find was the time he let H&M do a modeling shoot with Kevin Hart and David Beckham, which, okay we’ll take it, but… Anderson! The people must see the firehouse!
3) Gilded Age Context Clues. Going forward we need to be able to better place historical events to the Gilded Age. And so, let’s remember these key context clues: Cinderella’s step-sisters’ gowns with the ass padding, corsets, top hats, lace collars and sleeves, Business Tycoons, and mansions in Newport, Rhode Island. And! Apparently there’s going to be a new HBO show called none other than The Gilded Age, to be released soon, and created by the same people that gave us Downton Abbey.
Given the above points, I bought Anderson’s book. And so far (halfway through), it’s really great. It has everything you need – American history, New York high society, a dowry between Vanderbilt and Churchill/Spencer heirs which I think somehow links our CNN hero as a far-off removed cousin of both Winston Churchill and Princess Diana?
In short, the story of the Vanderbilts is one of the American dream, new money, old money, greed, envy, mental illness, innovation, and social climbing prowess that would put Kris Jenner to shame. And while all of that came with incredible benefits for the Commodore’s earlier heirs (hello, yacht clubs and coastal summer mansions), I believe the end to that story is one where nearly all the wealth had been squandered over the course of 150 years, and much before ever reaching the current generation.
Which brings me – again, so very naturally – to Leonardo DiCaprio circa 1997.
See, in my Vanderbilt family learnings, I discovered that Alfred Vanderbilt (the primary heir to the massive family fortune at that time) unexpectedly died in the 1915 sinking of the RMS Lusitania, along with approximately 1,200 other innocent passengers and crew members. The Lusitania was a massive British ocean liner that completely sank in only 18 minutes after being struck by a torpedo from a German navy submarine. Without getting too in the weeds on the mechanics and politics behind the whole thing, just know that the torpedo attack angered a lot of people, and was a primary reason the U.S. entered WWI, albeit not until two years later. Also, the sinking of this ship was particularly devastating, given that everyone was still reeling from the sinking of the Titanic, only three years prior.
And this is where my vast knowledge of history is finally able to shine. Because in 1997, the greatest historical drama of all time was released. Titanic, the movie. Starring the esteemed teen heartthrob, Leo DiCaprio from such hits as Growing Pains and the Kraft Free Singles commercial. Now listen. You want to teach a bunch of pre-teen girls about important historical events? Give her a three-hour film that depicts the horrific experience of drowning in the ice-cold sea following a devastating crash into a fucking ICEBERG that results in a gigantic ship first sinking and then BREAKING IN HALF while you ride it like some kind of horrendous roller coaster from hell as it plummets straight down from the SKY all the while a group of violinists in tuxedos play Archibald Joyce’s Autumn Dream to their literal DEATHS. But make it hot with a rags to riches love story between Leo and Kate. Um, yes please? In fact, yes please times five because we all saw that movie at least that many times in the theater, but now I’m supposed to go see KStew in Spencer in the fucking theaters, are you kidding me what happened to pandemic instant streaming.
Anyway, I watched the movie again the other night, after a 25-year hiatus. (Side note: I first wrote “15-year hiatus” because I was in middle school 15 years ago, wait no I wasn’t what in God’s name how am I this old.) And you know what? It holds up. I was hooked right off the bat. Stayed up until 1am to finish the thing. Well done, James Cameron, well done. The only hiccup (and really it was on my part because Leo and Kate just simply nailed it, as expected) during the movie was with the nude drawing scene. And that’s because I’m personally married to someone who watches the below video once a month and who laughs hysterically every time like it’s the best comedic material ever created in the history of time. And so I watched this actual scene, but was imagining Alex laughing hysterically at his YouTube content, which made me laugh hysterically – alone, watching what 25 years ago (my god) me would have called a pornographic artistic love scene.
Next up, I’ll be revisiting Leo in Romeo and Juliet, where I literally just became aware of the fact that Paul Rudd is in that movie and can this wormhole get any better?
Until next time, pals.
*In Taylor Swift’s Folklore, the best song on the album is The Last Great American Dynasty. She basically writes a nice little story about a middle-class divorcee woman (Rebekah) who marries an oil tycoon (Bill). They buy this incredible mansion off the coast in Rhode Island. Bill dies, and then she parties it up as a single gal having a wonderful time ruining everything, much to the chagrin of her wealthy neighbors. Then the house sits empty for years and years and then SPOILER ALERT Taylor buys the house IRL and she is having a wonderful time ruining everything. And now you’re wondering, “So does Taylor live in or near one of the original Vanderbilt mansions like The Breakers or something?” The answer to this is no. It’s like an hour away. But still. It’s Vanderbilt-adjacent, and that’s really just as fun.